A silly little little e-mail.

A silly little little e-mail.
Asylum for the Verbally Insane - Author unknown We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple Nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we Find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a Guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers Don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If You have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should Be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other Language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and Feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man And a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your House can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by Filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop? I know some will appreciate this, others will likely scoff.

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should Be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. Or at least whoever came up with it. English is terrible!!

I saw something like that poem in my studybook. But you (Tolkien_Freak) use English! I love English very much, so it is understandable I use it. But you... ;) I don't think English is hard. Or terrible. It seems to me that to learn all Russian morphology is much more hard. <<But>>

I do not use English by choice - I was born in the utterly pro-English nation of America and don't have the self-discipline to teach myself something else (so I really want to take some foreign language classes when I get the chance - basically, either Spanish now or something else in college). I just hate English because of the myriad exceptions to rules and the - well, strange - spelling system.

I do not use English by choice Yes...you do. I was born in the utterly pro-English nation of America Firstly, America isn't a nation, I think you mean the US of America, right? Secondly, the languages spoken in the US are many and varied. No absolute need to speak English exists. I just hate English because of the myriad exceptions to rules and the - well, strange - spelling system. Well, you mention Spanish as an alternative that you are interested in, you should know that it has exceptions too...read

I do not use English by choice Yes...you do. I guess so, actually... If I had the self-discipline, I would be speaking something else. I was born in the utterly pro-English nation of America Firstly, America isn't a nation, I think you mean the US of America, right? Secondly, the languages spoken in the US are many and varied. No absolute need to speak English exists. Yeah, USA, but if you call it America, everybody knows what you mean. No, but 80% of America speaks English, and 10% speaks Spanish, which I'm not particularly interested in (see below). And some Americans seem to dislike the fact that some people here speak something other than English. I just hate English because of the myriad exceptions to rules and the - well, strange - spelling system. Well, you mention Spanish as an alternative that you are interested in, you should know that it has exceptions too...read I didn't say I was interested in it (just that it was an option), in fact, I don't care too much for Spanish because of the way it sounds (personal reason) and the breakneck speed at which its native speakers speak it. Though, the Spanish spelling system makes far more sense than English's. Let's not turn this into an argument though.

No, but 80% of America speaks English, and 10% speaks Spanish No, 82% of US citizens speak English only. You continue to refer to 'America' as if America and the US are one and the same. This is 'America'. I challenge you to posit that 80% speak English. the breakneck speed at which its native speakers speak it. Uh, Spanish speakers don't speak Spanish any quicker or slower than you speak English...it's simply a matter of perception. Though, the Spanish spelling system makes far more sense than English's. I disagree, English's spelling makes plenty of sense when one considers the origin(s) of the language, the same can be said of any language really. Let's not turn this into an argument though. It's not, it's what grown ups call a discussion, where views are expressed and points are made and counter-points are proposed. Simply because it's not a thread of "Yaay!!" and "Great!!" does not make it an argument.

No, but 80% of America speaks English, and 10% speaks Spanish No, 82% of US citizens speak English only. You continue to refer to 'America' as if America and the US are one and the same. This is 'America'. I challenge you to posit that 80% speak English. It's not really important - most of the time if you say America, people think the USA. I'm talking about the USA. the breakneck speed at which its native speakers speak it. Uh, Spanish speakers don't speak Spanish any quicker or slower than you speak English...it's simply a matter of perception. Seems to me like they speak faster. Though, the Spanish spelling system makes far more sense than English's. I disagree, English's spelling makes plenty of sense when one considers the origin(s) of the language, the same can be said of any language really. I guess - still, why does 'at' mean <{t> when 'ate' means ? (rhetorical question, not looking for an answer) Let's not turn this into an argument though. It's not, it's what grown ups call a discussion, where views are expressed and points are made and counter-points are proposed. Simply because it's not a thread of "Yaay!!" and "Great!!" does not make it an argument. It just seems like it's getting a bit off topic.

It's not really important For you to make your point it is, every time you say America I picture the map I linked above. Seems to me like they speak faster. Yeah, that's what I said: "...it's simply a matter of perception." It just seems like it's getting a bit off topic. Not really, the e-mail I posted was a playful way of looking at the same things you are complaining about.

It's not really important For you to make your point it is, every time you say America I picture the map I linked above. Oops, I guess I figured you assumed the same thing I did. Sorry! Seems to me like they speak faster. Yeah, that's what I said: "...it's simply a matter of perception." Yup. It just seems like it's getting a bit off topic. Not really, the e-mail I posted was a playful way of looking at the same things you are complaining about. I guess that's true, now that I think about it!

I guess that's true, now that I think about it! You mean you weren't thinking before? :P ;)

I was, just not about that. :P

the breakneck speed at which its native speakers speak it. Uh, Spanish speakers don't speak Spanish any quicker or slower than you speak English...it's simply a matter of perception. But there are some neck-breakers out there. For sure. *cough, *cough* Colombians and Salvadorans *cough, cough* ...Oh, ok. Just a matter of perception. Well, you mention Spanish as an alternative that you are interested in, you should know that it has exceptions too...read The strange conventions annoy me. Truly unnecesary. I guess - still, why does 'at' mean <{t> when 'ate' means ? A certain vowel shift. ...Oh, and sorry for being such a necrophile when it comes to threads.

the breakneck speed at which its native speakers speak it. Uh, Spanish speakers don't speak Spanish any quicker or slower than you speak English...it's simply a matter of perception. Depending on how you measure "speed", it may be a correct perception (within the limits of personal and passage-specific variation, of course). The slides linked here (below the red paragraphs) do some quantitative analysis on a few recordings and find a difference. In their samples, Spanish showed roughly 30% more syllables per second than English (see slide 19). It also showed more like 40% more syllables per word (slide 18), though, so the number of words per unit time is actually a little slower. Granted, it's not a rigorous enough study to actually generalize a comparison between two languages, but it's compelling empirical evidence in support of the perception that Spanish sounds faster. The study wisely stops before trying to compare syntactic rates (how much time it takes to convey an idea). Given the SIRs of Spanish and English are close to the same (slide 23), I suspect the overall rates will also be close: Spanish-speaking people probably say the same amount of stuff in the same amount of time as English-speaking people, but on average, those speaking Spanish use more syllables to do so.

View Full Version: A silly little little e-mail.